Sean Monahan (@Zvolen), a self proclaimed gamer “competing against life and the challenges it presents” asked the following question:
“How do you reward or punish yourself when you complete or disregard your daily tasks or schedules.”
Sean, up until my eyes were opened to the bad money habits I had, I had developed a fairly simple, but subconscious reward system. Unfortunately, it was completely unhealthy. I had fallen into a pattern of rewarding myself when I believed I had accomplished something. Whenever I was feeling down, I would purchase something because I believed that certain something would help me feel better. It was usually an item in the $300.00 range, and it was usually technology. After purchasing the item, I would consider it a victory, and then I would reward myself by taking myself out to eat.
I was using spending to fill a hole, then justifying it by eating unhealthy meals, all while justifying the act based on the spending. It was truly a nasty circle of unhealthy responses.
When I connected the dots, I learned that the most powerful tool I had to stop the pattern was the word no. No, I will not buy that. No I will not look at my accomplishments as something that need a reward. They are a reward unto themselves. No, I will not punish myself, which is a response to shame, for not meeting my own expectations. If I fail, I simply move forward, and pickup where I left off. There’s no reason for me to spend time punishing myself when it could be time well-spent moving forward.
True, I still may have the feelings that are associated with failure, but rather than punish myself, I will learn from the mistake and continue to press towards the goal. When I reach the goal, I will set another goal, and so on.
Here’s an example of one way that I would probably have done it in the past. After a year of paying off debt, I may justify borrowing to celebrate by going on vacation, only to return in debt once again. Part of the reward for reaching a goal, is the task of reaching another goal. If I pay off the debt, I need now to save for the vacation. That way, when it comes time for me to experience the fun that follows the work, it will be paid for, and I can fully enjoy the time that I take.
So, I guess I don’t like the idea of rewarding good behavior anymore than I like the idea of punishment for bad behavior, but I think in order for that to work, the consequences and rewards need to be built-in to the success and failure inherently. Unfortunately, we don’t learn as quickly as we would like, and punishments and rewards are sometimes necessary to illustrate the severity of the consequences that may have, or could have been a result of our actions.
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